She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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