I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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