I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
