Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
