So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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