R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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