To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
