The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
