dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
