I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't put those talents on a resume
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
