you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
