I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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