those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
