Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
