somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
His hands were made for my vagina.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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