Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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