no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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