Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just high enough for therapy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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