The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
