i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
