Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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