she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
