Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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