people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
