I met the friendliest cop last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
