Are we in a gay sports bar?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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