I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
