I murdered the dance floor call the cops
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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