K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
