well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do herpes really smell.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
