just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You don't make any sense
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