he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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