she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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