i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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