theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I love you. Go after that dick
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
