I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
