Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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