I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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