does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
