My boss' voice literally gives me gas
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
