hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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