After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
