Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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