the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
