Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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