there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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