I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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