I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
