careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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