we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
