at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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