We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They took my balls.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
