its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
