Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
