at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
honey bunches of taint.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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