Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
